believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
