WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
