Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
