I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
