I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
