sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
