You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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