Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
