its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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