Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
