The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
