Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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