pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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