OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sext me about skeletons
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
