I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
