would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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