Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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