I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
