i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
