I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
