he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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