3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
