i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
