I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
