yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
