Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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