I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
