I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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