i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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