I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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