What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
