I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
