My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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