Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
