We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
