shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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