also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
