Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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