im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
