That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
