We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
