Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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