Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
