i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
