Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
