It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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