i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
third nipple confirmed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
