I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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