if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
