pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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