matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
