I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
