I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's the barista slut.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
