You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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