His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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