need another drink. this is the easiest way
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
