I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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