She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
