if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's Friday. Sex?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
