if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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