I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
